Miss Me Not
by xana4
Summary: He goes undercover for LAPD and Kensi doesn't miss him. She can't miss him. That would be crazy, stupid and irrational. He's not even gone long enough for her to miss him. Then why does this feel so weird? Multi-chapter Densi
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1  
(read AN on the bottom, please)**

When Callen and Sam enter the bullpen that morning, Kensi is already siting there, typing something on her computer. As soon as she hears them, she lifts her head and offers them a smile as she greets them, ignoring the confused looks on their faces. "Good morning, guys."

Sam sits down and Callen is the one who asks what's on both their minds. "Good morning, Kenz. Hey, where's your faithful sidekick?"

Kensi shrugs and answers, with as much innocence as possible. "Oh, Monty couldn't come today. He has a date with a bitch."

Both male agents start laughing, only to be interrupted when Deeks walks in and drops his bag on his desk with a fake frown on his face. "That was uncalled for. My dog's sex life doesn't have to be discussed at work."

Sam frowns for real, though. "You two didn't drive together, this morning?"

Some would say that was none of his business but the truth is that it is. It is his business. Everything that goes on with them is everyone's business. They need to know everything because, if two partners aren't getting along or are in the middle of a fight, chances are they'll have to keep an eye on them, to make sure everyone's safe.

Kensi shrugs and gets back to her work, probably filling out some late reports. "He takes too long to get ready."

Deeks sits down, the usual grin already on his face by then. "For your information, this hair takes some time."

Callen shakes his head, laughing, but is Sam who ends up mocking Deeks for that comment. "Yeah? What do you do with it? Stare at the mirror and try to comb it using the Force?"

Deeks frowns, confused. "Was that a Star Trek reference?"

Kensi, who was trying to stay away from that conversation, looks up, shocked. "You did not just say that!"

He shrugs. "What? Am I wrong?"

Kensi gets up and goes to stand in front of his desk with a serious look on her face, while Callen and Sam just sit and enjoy the show. "The Force was not and never will be a Star Trek reference. The Force is a power used in Star Wars. Do you even know Star Wars?"

He nods but no one really believes him. And his next words confirm he has no idea of what he's talking about. "Isn't that the movie with the 'live long and prosper' thingy?"

Kensi throws her hands up in the air in desperation. "I can't believe you're my partner. That's it…we're doing a Star Trek and Star Wars marathon. Have you ever seen any of the movies?"

As she sits down back on her desk, Deeks turns to Sam and Callen for help. "Can anyone give me a brief summary, please? I'm starting to feel like an idiot, here!"

Callen chooses that moment to say something, while laughing. "I'm sorry…starting to?"

Sam shakes his head and, seeing as Kensi as clearly given up on this conversation, he takes it upon himself to lecture him. "Star Wars is epic, legendary, amazing, breathtaking and simply wonderful. You can't understand it with a brief summary. I can't believe you've never seen it. What did you do during your childhood and teenage years?"

Deeks grins and answers him. "Believe it or not, I was not the biggest fan of having my ass kicked on the streets so my geeky side had to be tamed at a young age. I spent my childhood and teenage years doing something much more acceptable than staring at a TV and watching some guys moving things with the power of their minds. I went to the beach, surfed and picked up some girls. Meanwhile, you guys were all going through hell on your school's playground because you wore a shirt that said something along the lines of 'I am your father'."

Callen opens his mouth to answer him but Hetty comes out of nowhere, as usual, and interrupts him. "I'll have you know, Mr. Deeks, that a childhood spent absorbing different sides of only one culture is a very well spent childhood. Now, I need to have a word with you in my office. Please, follow me."

Knowing this won't be the end of this conversation and already accepting that a marathon watching all those movies with Kensi is in his future, Deeks gets up and follows Hetty to her office.

There, she pours herself a cup of tea and offers him some but tea is not really his drink so he declines politely. And Hetty starts talking.

"Mr. Deeks, have you told them yet?"

He sighs and sits down in front of Hetty. "No…I don't know how to."

She takes a sip of her tea and continues. "What are you so afraid of, anyway?"

The answer is simple. He's afraid of rejection, afraid that they won't think he's good enough for this. But he can't tell Hetty that. He can't tell anyone that.

He sighs once again. "Hetty, I…do we really need to have this conversation? My head is a mess and the last thing I want to think about is that. I'm sorry."

Hetty shakes her head with a gentle smile on her face. "There's no need to apologize. I understand, believe it or not. But I can assure you there's nothing to fear. You should know that by now."

He nods but they both know her words aren't enough to convince him, not this time. "Well, I'm leaving tonight for an undercover operation, anyway. I'll tell them when I get back."

Hetty nods. "How long will you be gone for this time?"

Deeks shrugs, not sure of what to tell her. "It can be one week or more than a month. I don't know. I'm well prepared but I can't know how long it will take me to crack this one and gather all the information I need to get these guys behind bars."

"Well, as you know, even though this is an LAPD operation, you'll have our full cooperation and help."

Deeks nods and gets up to go to the bullpen. But, just as he's about to leave, Hetty offers him one last piece of advice. "You are planning to tell your partner about said operation, right?"

But Deeks continues walking without saying a word.

Hetty simply shakes her head and sips her tea, before muttering to herself. "And so it begins…"

**AN: Here's the first chapter of my new story. This one will only have four chapters and they're all ready to post because I'm working on a few new ideas that are giving me a lot of work, seeing as they're all in Alternative Universes. Anyway, let me know what you think about this story.**

**Also, I'm a Star Wars and Star Trek fan. I'm sorry if anyone out there didn't understand the references I used on this chapter but I couldn't resist. Luke was my first crush (yes, I'm that weird).**

**Love,  
Sarah**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**Week 1**

He leaves without saying a word to anyone. Well, that's not exactly true. He says goodnight. But the point is that no one knows he's going undercover that night, no one except Hetty at least.

So it comes as a shock to Kensi when she walks into the bullpen the next morning and Hetty tells her Deeks has gone undercover for an undetermined period of time. It sucks to be the last one to know and it sucks that it wasn't even her partner who told her.

But that shouldn't surprise her. He has the annoying habit of keeping her in the dark when it comes to these kind of things. She's not sure why but it's almost like as if he doesn't trust her enough to tell her the things that matter the most. For example, it would have been nice to know she wouldn't have her partner by her side for an extended period of time.

It doesn't bother her. Or at least she tries to keep those things from bothering her.

But, when it comes down to it, the facts are impossible to deny. Her partner left without telling her he was going undercover. And she knows it had nothing to do with security.

And that's partially why, for the first week, she tells everyone she doesn't miss him.

Kensi keeps a smile on her face because the truth is that he hasn't been gone for long enough for her to actually miss him.

And she doesn't. During the first week, she doesn't miss her partner.

**Week 2**

It's only during the second week, when she's sitting on the car, next to Callen who is driving, that she starts missing him.

Sam is going to talk to the family of the man who was killed while the two of them are driving to the crime scene. And it's quite alright, truthfully.

Callen is not a stranger. He's been around for over six years now and they're more than co-workers. They're friends. Hell, he's kind of like an older brother to her.

So the car ride isn't anywhere near awkward. But it makes her miss him.

Well, that's not exactly true. It doesn't make her miss _him_. It makes her miss his cheesy songs.

Because Callen has a good taste in music and she likes the songs they listen to. And that makes her think about all those times in which she argued with Deeks because of his crappy choices in music. And how many times they spent half of the trip laughing because of those silly arguments.

But it doesn't make her miss Deeks.

It makes her miss his songs and their arguments.

That doesn't mean she misses him. Not even close to that…that would be simply ridiculous.

**Week 3**

On the middle of the third week, Kensi finds herself with too much energy on the end of the day. That's why she decides to stay at work and finish some paperwork she should have finished a few days ago. It seems a good time to do so, seeing as she's not tired enough to go home to her couch.

Her working late is nothing new but something's different this time. She's all alone and that's a start. For the past two years, every single time she had to stay and work late, Deeks had to stay with her and finish paperwork too. And that meant that, when she got hungry, he always managed to throw a chocolate her way.

And today, seeing as she's all alone, there's no one to give her some chocolate when she gets hungry.

But, after a few minutes, she starts thinking about it. And figures he must have some chocolates hidden somewhere on his desk.

So she starts looking for them. It only takes her a few seconds to find them. Inside the last drawer of his desk she finds a grand total of 23 chocolate bars.

And that makes her miss the way he always manages to take care of her, even when she's not aware he's doing it. That's what partners do. They take care of one another. But she likes to think there's something more to it than that because giving her chocolate is not on his job description and is not something he's obligated to do.

Still, he does it and he does it so well she never even suspected he had such a big stash hidden inside a drawer. And she knows for a fact those chocolates are meant for her because, even though he enjoys the occasional one, she's the one who is capable of eating more than four in a row.

So, on the third week, she starts wondering how he's doing and if he misses taking care of her.

She doesn't miss him. She just misses his cheesy taste when it comes to music and the way he always seems to take care of her.

**Week 4**

When she wakes up one morning, somewhere in the middle of the fourth week, she realizes she misses him, even though she wasn't aware of such a thing.

But waking up with his shirt on is a pretty obvious clue to what her feelings are at the moment. She doesn't even remember putting that shirt on in the first place.

Kensi was tired when she got home the night before and feeling a bit like crap. Yeah, she never said she was easy to deal with when she has her period. But, with Deeks gone, there was no one there to cheer her up and give her all the chocolate she could eat.

Sure, Callen and Sam were there and they noticed her mood but they didn't know why nor did they know what to do to make it better.

Deeks kept a calendar on his phone to keep track of her periods, something that made him seem creepy beyond explanation but that she found herself missing the day before. And, when she got home, she must have put on the first shirt that offered her some comfort, one of his old ones.

She doesn't remember how that specific shirt ended up in her closet but it still smells like him and, for some reason, that scent makes her feel safe, warm…cared for.

And that's a good feeling.

But, with no more excuses left to give, she's forced to face the reality.

She misses her partner.

**AN: Yes, I'm an awful person who makes you wait very long for updates. But, in my defense, college life can get pretty busy and I try to come home at least twice a month. I will try my best to keep the updates regular, though.  
By the way, happy Mardi Gras or Carnival to those who celebrate it. I don't but my little brother is currently dressed as the cutest Jack Sparrow I've ever seen.**

**Much love,  
Sarah**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**Week 5**

Around week five, she gets lonely.

It's a crazy feeling because she's almost never alone. At work, she's with Callen, Sam, Hetty, Eric and even Nell. When they have to go to the field, she either goes with Callen or with Sam. When it's her turn to pick up lunch, Callen goes with her (because, after a disastrous messed up order, they don't trust her to do that alone). Sometimes, Callen even drives her to and from work, when she's feeling lazy and not feeling like driving home.

But someone once said that feeling lonely is being surrounded by people and missing that special one. Well, she wouldn't go as far as call Deeks 'the special one' but he's the reason why she feels somewhat lonely. Because, even at the end of a long day, he would come over to her house with beers and ice cream and be with her until she couldn't keep her eyes open for any longer.

That's why she decides to take matters into her own hands. After work, she tells Callen she's driving home today and bids them goodbye. But she doesn't drive home. No, this time she drives to his building. She's not going to his house but to his building.

Kensi parks the car and gets out, studying her surroundings. The street is calm, something he loves so much. He says it's peace and quiet that he needs when he comes home, after spending the day fighting off the bad guys.

She rings the doorbell of one of his neighbors, an old woman who is convinced she's Deeks girlfriend, a mistake they never bothered to clarify. The woman smiles when she sees Kensi and opens the door wider for her to come in before starting to talk.

"I've been expecting you, my dear."

When she notices Kensi's confused expression, the woman smiles and leads her to the living room. "Marty said you were busy with work and had too much on your mind but that you'd come by to pick up Monty once you figured out what you really needed. I told him I could stay with Monty for as long as he needed me to but he seemed rather sure that you'd come by to pick him up."

Kensi can't help but smile. Of course Deeks would know she'd come for Monty. Sometimes, she thinks he knows her too well. He knew she needed to figure out how much she missed him before she came to pick up Monty and even warned his neighbor about that.

Yeah, she misses him.

But, that night, she lies in bed and Monty curls up at her feet. And having his pet with her makes her feel a bit less lonely.

**Week 6**

In week six, Hetty gives her the chance to do something. The older woman calls Kensi to her office and informs her it's time for someone to go and check on Deeks.

Kensi knows what she's doing. She's giving her a chance to see her partner.

And Kensi thinks about it, for a few minutes. However, in the end, she ends up telling Hetty to send Callen or Sam instead. The woman nods, knowing what's going on with the female agent, and doesn't ask anything else. Callen and Sam, though, are not easy to convince and don't react with nearly as much calm as Hetty when they're informed one of them has to go check up on Deeks.

They ask her why she's not going, what's going on and what happened between her and Deeks to anger her to the point of not wanting to see him.

Kensi tells him she's just tired and has a lot of paperwork to catch up on. Both agents know she's lying but don't ask anything else.

At the end of the day, long after everyone's gone home, she's sitting on the couch, waiting for Callen to come back from his meeting with Deeks.

He walks in at around midnight and doesn't seem surprised to see her there. Without a word, he sits next to her on the couch and waits for her to break the silence. She does, after a few seconds.

"How is he?"

Callen shakes his head, looking at her. "It's not that simple, Kenz. I'm only telling you whatever you want to know after you tell me what I want to know. Why didn't you go?"

She knows Deeks is okay. She knows Callen wouldn't be playing around if something was wrong with Deeks. Still, she tells him because she can trust him and because she needs to let this out.

"I miss him too much. If I went today it would only get worse."

Callen nods and asks her something else. "Are you in love with him?"

She doesn't answer him this time. She's not sure she even has an answer.

**Week 7**

The rational part of her brain knows this is probably not a good idea but she's too far gone to actually care about that. Good idea or not, she's going through with it and there's no one around to stop her.

Monty is at her house, having already found his favorite spot on her couch and claiming it as his own. That's one less thing to worry about. As long as that dog has a comfortable place to sleep, food and water, he's happy to be left alone. Kensi would go as far as saying he prefers to be left alone every once in a while.

But that's not what this is about.

This is about her, doing what she feels like doing at the moment. And that just happens to be watching TV at her partner's house.

It's a need she can't explain but doesn't duel much on it. It's pointless. Kensi is sure she wouldn't find an answer even if she spent hours thinking about it.

So she lets herself in, sits on the couch and turns the TV on. There's nothing good on but, then again, that's beside the point.

And, when she wakes up on his couch the next morning, she can't really regret the night before despite the pain on her neck from the uncomfortable position .

Because it was the best night of sleep she had in close to 7 weeks, for some reason she can't quite explain.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – Final Chapter (Read AN on the bottom)**

**Week 8**

By week eight, she receives good news.

At the end of the day, Hetty sends them all home and Callen leaves for one of his meetings with Deeks.

She could go home because that's what Hetty told them to do. But Kensi is not in the mood to do so, for some reason. Lately, her house became a place where her head takes over and that's a bad thing. That means she starts thinking about things she doesn't want to think about and ends up getting sad and feeling lonely. Sure, she has Monty there with her but it's just not the same and there are things not even the sweet dog can fix.

And, after one hour of filling paperwork, she's glad she didn't go home. Callen comes back and easily recovers from the shock of finding her there at that late hour. The man who is like an older brother to her offers her a small smile and sits on the couch. "He's coming home."

Kensi frowns, waiting for him to give her some more details. So, Callen continues. "Deeks told me he has almost everything he needs. It's a matter of days before he comes back home. I don't want to give you false hopes because it can still take a while, but I figured you could use this information."

Kensi smiles, gets up from her chair, and sits next to him on the couch. "I never gave you an answer."

This time, Callen is the one who seems confused. "What are you talking about?"

She sighs and looks at him. "You asked me if I was in love with him. I never gave you an answer."

He grins. "You didn't need to. Your lack of answer was answer enough."

Kensi shakes her head. "No, that's the thing. I didn't give you an answer because I didn't know how I felt."

He nods, more serious now. "You said you didn't know how you felt. Does that mean that you do now?"

Kensi sighs before replying. "I miss him, more than what I thought I would. I miss everything about him. I feel alone without him by my side. At the end of the day, he's the one I want with me. I think I love him. I don't know. I just know that I miss him. I need him."

Callen nods and no more words are exchanged between them after her confession. Because that's Callen's way to show her he's there for her, to listen whenever she needs him to. And, that night, she prays for Deeks to come back as soon as possible and with no injuries.

**Week 9**

One week goes by and there's still no news from him. It doesn't surprise her because gathering enough information to arrest someone can be a long and difficult task, with many obstacles along the way. She's been on long undercover operations before. She knows the drill.

But that's the rational part of her. And, in the end, that's not the part that takes over her head by the end of the day.

She just wants him to come home. It's that simple and that complicated at the same time.

In her head, she pictures many different scenarios. There's one in which he comes back and things go back to the way they used to be. There's another one in which he comes back, claims that he missed her like hell, tells her he can't live without her and finally admits there's a thing.

Strangely enough, she can't decide which one is her favorite.

If he comes back and things go back to the way they were before, at least she knows they can work together, just like they've always had. However, that would surely hurt her now that she is ready to admit she's in love with him.

Then there's the second scenario. Many things could go wrong with that. For example, they might not even be a good couple. And then they wouldn't even be able to work together.

It's scary and messy and the only one who can calm her down is the one who's making said mess inside her head.

That's why she compromises. She goes to his house and sleeps there that night.

And the night after.

And the one after that.

Because, even though he's not there, his scent is and that is enough to soothe her.

**Week 10**

When week 10 comes by, she's on the verge of going crazy with anticipation. She needs him to finish the damn thing already and to come home to her. Well, he's not coming home to her but he's coming home and that's enough for her. She just needs him around and the thought makes her want to hit herself, repeatedly.

She's Kensi Marie Blye, the woman who can win a fight against a guy twice her size. She doesn't do feelings and this is borderline ridiculous.

She wasn't even this anxious when Jack was overseas. But, then again, she was a kid when she was with Jack. She's a woman now, a woman who knows what she wants and needs.

And, right now, she wants and needs her partner.

She sits on his couch and realizes she's lost count of how many times she's slept there during the past few weeks. And that's okay too because no one knows about it and no one has to.

However, when she falls asleep that night, she has no idea that, in just two short hours, the owner of the house will come back.

He will find her on the couch, smile brightly, and carry her to his bed without waking her up.

He will pull her as close to him as possible once on the bed because he missed her like hell and she will sleep better than what she's been sleeping ever since he left.

And she doesn't know that everything will change in the morning, once they wake up. She'll never have to miss him again because he's not going anywhere.

After all, he's officially an NCIS agent and will become her partner in every meaning of that word.

**AN: Thank you so much for all your support during this story. I know it took me a ridiculous amount of time to complete a story with only four chapters but, as I've mentioned before, I started college this year and I spend the entire day in front of a computer, programming. The last thing I want to see when I get home is yet another computer. Besides, I've been spending most of my free-time with my family and my boyfriend who can only come home on weekends. **

**Anyway, enough with my problems and lame excuses. I'm starting a new story and I already have a few chapters ready to post. As soon as I have all of them written and ready to publish, I will post the first chapter. Just a heads-up, it's very AU but I've been meaning to write it for a while now and it seems like the right time to start such a project.**

**Starting tomorrow, my schedule will be a lot better so I will have more time to write and publish. And, as a way to reward my faithful readers who have stuck with my through this lack of updates, I will send a small preview of my next story through PM to everyone who asks me to. **

**Much love,  
Sarah**


	5. Sorry

So, to all of you who don't know this yet, I'm an awful person.

I know I promised to send a private message with a preview of my next story to all of those who reviewed but I never did.

For that, I apologize.

And I feel like you all deserve an explanation better than "I've been busy with college". I haven't been busy with college. Things have calmed down and I'm in better control of my time, now.

However, another problem came up. My grandfather is very sick and had to move in with my parents. He can barely walk now and we're all waiting for the worst to happen. He was diagnosed with cancer (stage 4) two years ago but he did chemotherapy and it seemed to be slightly controlled. Three weeks ago, the doctor told us it spread to his bladder and he's been getting worse every day since then.

I know we all have problems and the truth is that writing helps me take my mind off of everything. I'm going to post my new story within the next week but, to try to redeem myself, here's the promised preview.

Again, I apologize.

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C_allen nods, absorbing the news. "Did he make it?"_

_She shakes her head. "He was dead in seconds. But I didn't get it. It seemed like he was talking about something much bigger than what we are actually doing…"_

_Callen finishes his drink and gets up, dropping a few bills on the bar-stool. Instantly, she knows he's lying. "I have no idea of what he was talking about. I have to go, now. I'll see you tonight?"_

_She knows he's talking about the staff meeting, the one everyone has to attend every single month. It sounds ridiculous to say but this is the most organized criminal she's ever met and that's probably a good thing too. She doesn't need any more mess in her life as it is. Giving him a smile, she nods. _

"_I'll be there."_

_And the smile he sends her on the way out of the bar should probably make her feel dirtier than it actually does. For some reason, he makes her feel safe._

_And she doesn't understand why. Maybe there's something here she's not seeing. _

_Shrugging that feeling off, Kensi starts cleaning a few glasses. Her boss is not paying her to spend the day doing nothing, after all. _

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The story will be AU and, obviously, Kensi/Deeks pairing. It might not seem like it at first but have some faith in me.

Feel free to let me know what you think about this small preview and I will try to answer to all of you this time.

And don't forget to keep an eye out for the new story.

Much love (and happy Easter to all of those out there who celebrate it),  
Sarah


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